Dip the Homicidal Suicidal Depressed Teacup
by Aahz the Chupacabra
Summary: **Beauty and the Beast** Dip the homicidal suicidal depressed teacup: the real story of how Chip got his Chip. The insanity!


Dip the homicidal suicidal depressed teacup: the real story of how Chip got his Chip.  
  
Disclaimer: We don't own Beauty & the Beast, but we do own Dip, Death and cyanide capsules. And we are not responsible for any eye cancer, or suicidal tendencies that come with reading this story.  
  
A/N: Hello this is Aahz, I wrote this story with my friend Stephanie at 4 in the morning. Well no, we thought of it at 4 we didn't write it till noon, cause we're kinda lazy, but you get the point, don't you?  
  
Chapter one: I want to die!  
  
**Open onto stain glass window of a teacup*.*  
  
Narrator: Life was not always fun and games at the castle, oh no, on the contrary, when the curse was first set one of the castles occupants-Dip-was not happy about it at all. He wanted to die, and he wanted to take everyone with him, this is his story...  
  
**Cut scene** **Open onto Dip walking down a random hallway, not going anywhere in particular**  
  
Dip: **walking about aimlessly** Why God why? I want to die! Oh God please let me die!  
  
Lumiere: **Walking by** Oh ho, what is wrong?  
  
Dip: I'LL KILL YOU! YOU DAMN CANDLE STICK BASTARD! DEATH FOR YOU! **Begins throwing himself against Lumiere** DIE!  
  
Lumiere: **Gasp!** Calm yourself!  
  
Dip: You know what I can't calm down! You know why? Because I'm a teacup, jackass! Now die!! **Once again throws himself against him, Lumiere startled by the onslaught fall against the wall and his candle is knocked in half.** YES! OH GOD YES IT WORKED!  
  
**Cut scene** **Open onto Lumiere all right, and Dip screaming**  
  
Dip: NO! YOU BASTARDS! IT ALMOST WORKED! I HATE ALL OF YOU I HOPE YOU ALL DIE! **Runs away**  
  
**Cut scene** **Open onto Dip wandering the halls again, the beast is stalking down the opposite side of the hall with Mrs. Potts on her tray following him.**  
  
Dip: I hate cut scenes! DEATH! **Catches site of Beast** GAH! You are the cause of all my misery! Death to you! **Bull rushes Beast** I HOPE YOU DIE!  
  
Beast: **Grunt, bends down and picks up Dip** What?  
  
Dip: DIE! DIE! DIE! If I can't die you will! DIE!  
  
Mrs. Potts: How about a nice cup of tea dear?  
  
Dip: How about I stick my foot up your ass?! Oh wait I can't, you know why because I'm a damn teacup! God I want to die! AHH!  
  
Mrs. Potts: There now calm down. **Pours tea into Dip**  
  
Dip: AH! IT BURNS! DEATH!  
  
Beast: **Drinks from Dip**  
  
Dip: Your drinking out of my ass you bastard! I hope you die!  
  
Beast: O_O **Puts dip down**  
  
Dip: I've been defiled! I want to die! **Jumps off balcony**  
  
**Cut Scene** **Open onto the main doorway**  
  
Dip: **From outside** NOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
**Knock, Knock**  
  
Cogsworth: **Opens the door and is thrown back as Dip bull rushes him** GAH!  
  
Dip: I didn't die! AH! I hate you! I hate you all! Any normal teacup would have been smashed into a million pieces, but no, not me! **Jumps off balcony**  
  
**Cut Scene** **Open to main doorway** **Dip sulks in**  
  
Dip: BUT NOT ME! OH GOD I WANT TO DIE!  
  
Lumiere: Why do you want to die?  
  
Dip: Because I hate you and you're all insane! **Runs away laughing madly**  
  
All: O_O  
  
**Cut Scene** **Open onto the kitchen, Mrs. Potts is washing the teacups**  
  
Mrs. Potts: C'mon Dip dear, have a bath.  
  
Dip: NEVER! If I'm filthy no one will drink from my ass!  
  
Mrs. Potts: -_-  
  
**Cut Scene** **Open onto courtyard**  
  
Dip: **Stomping through the snow** I hate life, I hate life, I hate life...**Continues mumbling**  
  
Random Peasant Girl: **Smiles** Bonjour!  
  
Dip: Kiss my ass!  
  
Random Peasant Girl: O_O I beg pardon?  
  
Dip: GAH! You're all idiots!  
  
Random Peasant Girl: Can you tell me where I am?  
  
Dip: No! I hope you die!  
  
Random Peasant Girl: **Squats down to look at him** What's the matter sweetie?  
  
Dip: I used to have a girl friend down in the village, but there isn't a village anymore because I'm a teacup and my life sucks! I want to die! I can't have a girlfriend now! Death, Death for me, for the love of God let me die! **Tips over**  
  
Random Peasant Girl: **fake pouts** Why can't you have a girlfriend Mr. Teacup?  
  
Dip: **Is angry now...well, angrier than normal** What would I do with a girlfriend! I'm a damn teacup! I can see it now, oh baby that's right stroke my handle, oh baby you know I like it like that! I swear when I find the fairy that did this to my I'm gonna donkey punch her! GAH!  
  
Random Peasant Girl: O_o All right, Mr. Teacup, I think I'll be going.  
  
Dip: Naw, cuz you see, you called me Mr. Teacup, so now I gotta kill you! **Bashes itself against the Random Peasant Girl, until she has an aneurysm from all the insanity**  
  
**Cut Scene** **Open back onto the courtyard, the Random Peasant Girl is still lying dead in the snow**  
  
Dip: NO-wait, she's still dead? **Triumphant** Yes! She died of natural causes, and that means you can't bring her back! Oh thank GOD! YES! SHE'S DEAD! Wait she's dead. Aw damn it! She could have broken the spell! I'm so stupid! God I want to die! **Looks at dead body** Maybe this is a loophole, and if the Beast is a necrophilia then the spell will break! **Hauls dead body into Beast's room and leaves it there. ** Yes my work is done!  
  
**Cut Scene** **Open onto Dip wandering about the dinning room, his plan for necrophilia failed and he is once again miserable**  
  
Dip: **Wailing** Why God, why! Why of all things did you make me a teacup?!?  
  
Random Dish: I say, could you hand me that plate?  
  
Dip: With what I'm a fucking teacup jackass! What am I gonna use to hand it to you, I don't have any hands! I hope you die. **Begins to savagely beat the Random Dish until it finally gets a crack in it**  
  
**Cut Scene** **Open onto the dinning room, Dip is on top of the Random Dish, who now does not have a crack in it**  
  
Dip: NOOOOO!!!! My life sucks! I want to die! **Jumps off balcony**  
  
**Cut Scene** **Open onto the kitchen**  
  
Dip: WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I've done it!  
  
All: Done what? **Confused looks**  
  
Dip: I've found a way to die! Success! Cyanide capsules! YES!  
  
A/N: GAH! The insanity of it all! R&R! Or Dip will hunt you down! 


End file.
